


My Home Is In The Dark

by ughdotcom



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Angst, Dehumanization, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, I Feel Like If You Get Triggered By Anything You Should Probably Not Read This, It/Its Pronouns Used In A Dehumanizing Way, M/M, Major Antagonist Is Based Off A Character I Hate But It Isn't Stated If You Love Her, Medical Experimentation, Other, Other Medical Related Triggers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rebels, Therapy, Transphobia, Trauma, forced therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:09:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26927134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom
Summary: "They are kind, it reminded itself, they are nice. It walked down the bleached white halls of the laboratory, halls with linoleum floors and tile walls the same color as milk. The lights were harsh on its eyes. Or they would be, if it knew what harsh was. It did not feel. They said it did not feel."The White Knights told Data that it did not feel. But these rebels tell him that he does feel. Who is right?
Relationships: Data/Geordi La Forge, Deanna Troi/Tasha Yar, Jean-Luc Picard/Q, Minor or Background Relationship(s), William Riker/Worf
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	My Home Is In The Dark

They are kind, it reminded itself, they are nice. It walked down the bleached white halls of the laboratory, halls with linoleum floors and tile walls the same color as milk. The lights were harsh on its eyes. Or they would be, if it knew what harsh was. It did not feel. They said it did not feel.

The white uniform draped over its light yellow skin unflatteringly. It did not care. It did not feel. They said it did not feel.

It approached a door, as white as the rest of the halls, a silver door knob shining the only color in the hall. It turned the door knob with its inhuman hands, entering the room, just as white as the halls. The doctors waited in the middle of the room.

“Dah-ta.” the one with curled hair greeted it. It would prefer Day-ta, if it could prefer anything. “How are you?”

“I do not feel.” it said, tilting its head and squinting its eyes slightly in a mockery of confusion.

“That’s it.” she smiled, a smile that did not reach her eyes. “Dr. Soong, if you could guide Data to its chair.” it did not need guidance. It allowed Dr. Soong to hold its arm to bring it to its chair. When it was seated, the doctor smiled, once again without emotion filling her eyes. “Thank you, Dr. Soong.” she approached it with her instruments. “So, Data, can you say something for me.” it was not a question. She did not ask questions.

“Something.” it replied.

“A sentence, please.”

“Which sentence?” it asked. “I do not have the capabilities of free will or thought. I am simply an android.” it would have liked to choose a sentence, if it had the capabilities to wish for that.

“That will do nicely, Data.” She turned to Dr. Soong. “Dr. Soong, you made his voice too human. We shouldn’t be able to have any chance of mistaking him for a real person. Is there an addition to its mechanisms you could use to make it glitch or lose inflection?”

“I think I invented a glitch effect.” he walked over to his table, a table coated in various mechanical parts. She smiled. This time her eyes seemed to echo some emotion.

“You hear that Data. He won’t make the same mistakes. Will you, Dr. Soong? You  _ will _ create an imperfect machine this time?”

“I won’t make the same mistakes.”

It could not feel. It had no feelings. They could not be hurt. It could not feel. Feeling was a human thing. It was not human. It would not ever be human. She was human. He was human. It was a machine. It was imperfect. That was good.

“Data, you  _ do _ know of the mistakes that he made?”

“Yes, ma’am.” it said. “He created a machine like me, but he gave it emotions and the power to be almost human. It destroyed the world.”

“Good android, Data.” she said, caressing his cheek. “Remember what it did. This is the only place we are safe. Me, you, Dr. Soong, the others. Remember what I told you?”

“The white is good.” it recited. “Stay away from the dark of outside.”

“Dr. Soong learned his lesson. His first creation destroyed our way of life.  _ Lore _ . Remember that name. Remember who you are better than. No android can be human.”

“No android can be human.  _ I _ cannot be human.” she smiled. Her eyes were blue. They did not smile. She was never really happy. It watched her with interest. It was an android. Its purpose was to study. It studied her.

“Dr. Soong, did you find it?” she said, holding her hand. He set a small piece in it. “How do you add it to Data?”

“Attach it to his speech center.” he said, like it was obvious.

“You do that.” she handed him the piece back. He rolled his eyes behind her back before flipping open a piece of Data’s head and fastening the piece to another piece.

“Speak.” he said.

“Thank you for attaching the piece.” it said, its voice glitching.

“Good work.” she nodded at Dr. Soong. “It no longer sounds human.”

A knock sounded at the door, sharp and quick, almost panicked. “Doctors?” a voice drifted through.

“Come in.” the curled haired doctor said. A woman came through the door, a security officer. It recognized her, she had blond hair shaved on the sides. She had always been confusing to it. Out of all the people in their base, she seemed most out of place in the whiteness. Sometimes she brought in traces of the dark, dirt tracked in on her boots, a smudge of oil on her white dress. She never seemed to fit quite right. If it could have favorites she would be its favorite worker.

“There are people attempting to get through the door. Outside people. If you could please both go down to the bunker, I will take the android and deactivate and hide him?”

“Thank you, Miss?”

“Ray. Natalie Ray.” she said.

“Take Data and go. We’ll go to the bunker.” The woman doctor grabbed Dr. Soong’s arm and dragged him out of the room. The minute they left the room the woman’s demeanor visibly changed. Her shoulders relaxed and she ran a hand through her hair.

“Put this on.” she said, handing it a dark cloak. “You’ll need it.” it held it daintily, with an air of disgust.

“I cannot.”

“Oh, why the hell not!” she said, her words loud and harsh. It flinched. It did not flinch. It didn’t have emotions. Loud words did not scare it. They did not remind it of the female doctor. “Oh my god. It’s the fact it’s brown, isn’t it? Holy shit. You’ll need it, Dah-ta.” she noted its uncomfortable expression. “Day-ta.” it relaxed. “Data.”

“Why should I need it, Miss Ray? You are simply taking me to get deactivated while the base is attacked, so Lore’s friends don’t take me and make me like him.”

She sighed, wrapping the cloak around its shoulders and grabbing its shoulders to lead it forward. “If you make a scene I  _ will _ find a way to knock you out, Geordi’s needs be damned. Also, what’s wrong with your voice?”

“Dr. Soong implanted a voice chip to make me less human.”

“It's grating. Don’t talk to me unless you need to. I can’t have a panic attack right now.”

“What is-” it started.

“What the fuck did I just say? And I’m rescuing you. And before you ask, yes you need rescuing. This is a horrible place.”

“No-”

“Shut  _ up _ you fucking idiot. I know you have a perfect memory. You can quote the doctor on all her bad beliefs. Just shut the hell up as I get you out of here.”

“To the dark?”

“Yes. To the dark.”

“But the dark is bad.”

She let out a large sigh and tore off a part of its cloak, wrapping it around its face to gag it. “No it isn’t, Data. The light is bad.” She checked a vintage smartwatch. “I think it should be dark enough.” it struggled as she tried to shove it forward. It knew how bad the dark outside was. “Holy shit.” she said, pinning its arms behind it and lifting it up with a small groan. “How dare you make me do this.” It struggled but she seemed to have experience doing it.

Being held in her arms was almost peaceful. She held it tight, in an almost protective way. It was the first time it felt like it was more than  _ just _ an android, just a machine. Not that it felt. It could not feel. It was not meant to ever feel. But maybe it would not hurt to relax in her arms and go to the darkness. No more doctors, no more hurting. It relaxed, and she smiled, her mouth only moving slightly, but her eyes softening.

But when they reached the door it started to struggle again. The dark was bad, it had been told that so many times. It was not scared, but it did know that the minute it went out there it would be at Lore’s mercy.

“Okay, Data.” she said, removing its gag. “Tell me what  _ you _ think will happen if you go into the dark.”

“Lore. He will find me and he will make me like him.” Data said, voice glitching even more than before.

“Lore is dead.” she said. “He was defeated before he could even destroy the planet.”

“But-”

“They’re liars. Ready to go?”

It was still not willing to go into the dark. The closest word would be scared, but it was not scared. It could not be scared. It could not feel. They had all said so.

“I know it’s scary.” she said. They had all said it could not feel. “I was raised here too. We’re conditioned to hate the dark.” it was not supposed to feel. “But it’s better out there, I swear. You’ll meet actual people, who won’t view you as a robot.” it did not feel. “But confronting fear makes you brave. Be brave with me, Data. Be brave.” it stopped struggling and let her carry it into the dark.

The dark made it hard to see, but its yellow eyes glinted at every sliver of moonlight that she strayed away from. The first thing that it saw that was not the dark was a pile of bones, human. They sat in moonlight, almost glowing. She avoided them with a sad frown.

After they had walked for a while they entered a clearing that looked like an abandoned village. She set it down, still holding its arm so it could not run.

“I’m back.” she said, her voice only slightly louder than it had been before, but still the door of the cabin closest to them slammed open and a woman ran out, tossing her arms around her neck.

“Tasha!” she yelled, and it frowned quizzically as both it and Tasha flinched.

“Tasha?” it asked.

Tasha smiled and turned to it. “Natalie Ray was a fake name. My real name is Natasha Yar. Tasha.” She turned to address the group, which was made of several people of different ages, genders, races, and even species. “This is Data, the android they were developing. He’s been pretty indoctrinated, but I’m sure we can help him.” a bald man in the back gave her a doubtful look. “Jean-Luc! I know we can! He needs to be freed. She did a number on him.”

“What if he runs back to them, Tasha?” Jean-Luc said softly.

“He won’t. I didn’t. Q didn’t!” she gestured at the person who had their fingers entangled in Jean-Luc’s.

“You weren’t built by them! And Q is technically a god.” he looked doubtful, but also seemed to be softening to Tasha’s insistence.

“Dad. We need him, and he needs us.” the minute Tasha said ‘dad’ Jean-Luc conceded.

“Okay.”

“We are  _ going _ to help Data. He needs it. He’s been abused all his life. Like me, like Q. We have to. We all know that the White Knights are bad.”

It stopped listening, knowing that it could just access its memory banks and listen later. He.  _ He _ . It felt… it was right. He let the corners of his mouth turn up. No feelings were related to it. He still could not feel. He was an android. It was impossible for him to feel. He started to listen again.

“Also they messed up his voice or something, it’s all glitchy. Geordi, I need you to fix that before my ears explode.”

“On it.” a man wearing a VISOR over his eyes hurried up to them and immediately started talking to Data. “What happened to your voice?”

“Addition to my speech center.”

“That should be easy enough. Come with me.” Geordi wrapped his fingers around Data’s wrist and led him to a cabin. As they entered he gently seated Data down on a chair. “Where’s your voice box?” Data opened the skin around it for him. “And the attachment is… this?” Geordi tapped the glitch attachment.

“Yes.” Data said.

“That should be easy enough to remove.” Data was used to rough hands pulling and prodding at his circuitry. Instead Geordi gently worked the tools to remove the addition, so softly that Data could barely register his touch. It was soft, and Data let his eyes flutter close. Safe. He felt safe. Then his eyes snapped open. Safe wasn’t something he could feel. Nowhere was safe for him.

“No.” he let drip from his lips without thinking.

“Is something wrong?” Geordi said, concern apparent in his voice, even as he continued to remove the attachment.

“Too dark.” Data said, before remembering that incomplete sentences were bad. “It is too dark. The dark is bad. The light is good.”

Geordi gently set down the attachment he had just removed, carefully guiding Data over to the bed, where he could sit next to the android and hold him. “It’s okay, Data.”

“No. Bad. The white is good. Stay away from the dark of outside.”

Geordi did not respond with words, and instead gently unwrapped the cloak from Data to reveal his white clothes. Data relaxed slightly at the sight of them.

“Hey, Data?” He said gently as Data tried to rub a spot out of his pants. “You’re going to have to wash your clothes.”

“No. No. Do not take away the white.” Data was not panicking. He did not panic. Panic was an emotion. He did not have emotions.

“Hey. hey. It’s okay. Look.” carefully Geordi tore a strip off Data’s sleeve and tied the strip around Data’s wrist. “You can keep the white with you. Normally that wouldn’t be allowed but we can make an exception for you.”

“Thank you, Mr.?”

“Call me Geordi.”

“That is not allowed. I am only to address people in a formal way.”

“LaForge, then.”

“Thank you Mr. Laforge. You said you would wash my clothes?” Data tried to ignore the fact that the way Geordi had looked at the uniform, tried to forget the bonfire that most of the people had glanced to when they saw the edges of his white uniform.

“Honestly, I’m going to give them to Worf to burn. We don’t like the color white here. It reminds us all of trauma. I’ve seen Q have panic attacks when seeing so much as a white scrap of fabric. It wouldn’t be fair to allow you to wear them.”

“But-”

“But remember what I’m allowing you.” Geordi lifted Data’s arm. “You can keep this bracelet. That’s more than we should give you. Just try to make sure Q doesn’t see it, okay Data?”

“Okay, Geor- Mr. LaForge.”

Geordi gave him a smile. “I’ll go fetch some clothes for you to change into, okay?”

“Yes, that is okay.” Geordi turned and rummaged through some drawers before choosing an outfit for Data. He handed the outfit, complete with underwear and boots, to Data.

“You can change over there.” he pointed to a curtain in the corner. Data got up and disappeared behind the curtain. When he emerged he could have been any of them, if not for the white bracelet and yellow tinged skin and eyes.

“You look good, Data.”

“It is wrong.” Data said. It  _ was _ wrong. White was good. Dark was bad.

“No, it feels wrong for now.” Geordi quietly corrected. “When you work through issues you’ll be able to feel more comfortable. Tomorrow you can talk to Deanna. She’ll help you.”

“It does not  _ feel _ wrong because I cannot feel.” Data said.

Geordi opened his mouth and looked like he was going to counter Data when a harsh shout came from outside. “Sunrise!”

“Shit.” Geordi hissed, running over to a rug and yanking it up, also lifting a trapdoor. “Get in there.” Data climbed down and Geordi followed, locking the trapdoor behind him. They climbed down into a winding maze of tunnels. Geordi guided Data through the tunnels to what looked like a communal living area. “Data, what room do you want to sleep in?” Data raised an eyebrow. “We have different living areas for genders. Female, male, nonbinary. It doesn’t make much sense, cause we’re all gay, but which are you?”

“I am an android, I do not have a gender.”

“So, you’re nonbinary? Or is it just a conditioned thing?”

“I was modeled after a male, but as an android it is impossible for me to have a gender.”

“Data, do you want to sleep in the male room or the nonbinary room?” his impatience and tiredness seeped through the cracks in his voice.

Data thought for a moment. “I would like to sleep by you. Not like. I cannot like. But I think I should be by you.” a soft smile appeared on Geordi’s face at the thought of Data thinking of him as a friend, almost unburdened by Data’s odd words.

“Do you want to be held or to just be in bed near me?”

“I cannot want.”

“Data.” Geordi placed a hand on Data’s shoulder.

“Can I be held?” He does not have emotions. He is not shy, not embarrassed. Being held is only logical, for he needs to acclimate to being in the dark.

“Of course.” Geordi guides him to the bed as a man with a beard waggles his eyebrows at them.

“Why is he doing that, Mr. LaForge?”

“If we’re going to be sleeping in the same bed, you can call me Geordi. And ignore Will. He’s rude.”

“Yes. Geordi.”

“Take off your boots and lay down.” Data worked the lace on the boots and laid down. Geordi laid next to him, slipping one arm under his neck and wrapping the other over his chest. Data curled into Geordi and gave a small contented sigh. Not that he was content. He did not have emotions. He could not have emotions.

“Geordi, I cannot sleep.”

“I’m sure you’ll fall asleep.”

“No, it is not in my programming.” Data corrected.

“Just relax. You can get up during the night, as long as you stay underground.”

“That is satisfactory.” Data closed his eyes and Geordi smiled before closing his eyes.

Once Dr. Soong had mentioned a dream program in front of Data and the other doctor. She had shot it down immediately, it was too human, too emotional. Data had never remembered anything else about that interaction, but now bits and pieces floated back to him. Dr. Soong implanting something after the other doctor had left. Maybe he had it. Maybe he  _ could _ sleep. He knew what  _ she _ would say. That there was. But he was almost fully in the dark now. The only light was the strip of white tied around his wrist. He activated the dream program.

When he woke up something felt missing. Not emotions. But something was different. Then he realized he was alone in the bed. He- missed Geordi’s arms. Not missed. That was not allowed.

“Ah, Data!” Geordi said, and Data looked up to see the man beaming. “So, you don't sleep?” he teased slightly.

“I found a dream program.” Data said.

“I’m glad, but it's time to get up. Deanna and Beverly want to meet with you. And also, I wanted to be there when you woke up, but I have to wake Tasha. Have fun at therapy!”

Data got out of the bed and put on his boots. It was unfamiliar to wear strong shoes. His shoes before had been thin, only for moving around the White Knights' base. So had been his clothes. The clothes now, while deprived of the comforting white, were thicker and more comforting than the light airy ones from before. Not that Data was comforted. That was not possible. He walked forward before realizing that he had no idea where to go. So he turned down the way he had seen Geordi go, walking into a room with a few beds. Geordi was waking Tasha, who seemed to not want to wake up, pillow over her face.

“Tasha, you have to wake up.”

“Shut the hell your mouth.” she said back, hitting him with the pillow.

“Geordi, your boyfriend is here.” a woman said from the corner. Geordi spun around to face Data, blushing.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Guinan! Don’t make him uncomfortable.”

Data’s voice was soft as he spoke to Geordi, and if he had emotions, he might have said that Guinan scared him. She sounded rough and abrasive. “I do not know where to meet your Deanna and Beverly.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll show you. Guinan, wake Tasha. She might listen to you.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Geordi, she only listens to Jean-Luc, Q, and Deanna. And occasionally Worf.”

As they walked away Data asked “Is your Jean-Luc Miss Yar’s dad?”

“No, but he’s the closest thing she’s ever had, besides Q.” Geordi said with a smile. “Do you have a parent?”

“I am not alive, Geordi.”

“You seem plenty sentient to me.” Geordi responded. “And no one cared for you?”

“Dr. Soong invented me. Sometimes he would give me small things without the permission of the head doctor. Like my dream program.”

“Would you call him your dad?”

“No. I have been told that fathers are kind. Kindness is not the gift of dreams but not taking me away from her.”

Data realized what he was saying was bad. He should not be unkind to those who had shown him kindness. She had told Dr. Soong to make him. She was his God. They were his family. But these people said they were bad. And if Data could feel, he knew he would feel more at home in Geordi’s arms than with her and Dr. Soong. But he could not feel.

When they reached a room deep in the maze Geordi let his hand fall from Data’s arm. “This is Deanna and Beverly’s ‘office’. Have fun.”

“Geordi, I cannot-”

“I know. Expression.” Geordi turned and walked back out the tunnel. Data stepped into the room, and was instantly greeted by two women.

“Hello!” the one sitting closer said, waving. She had thick curly dark hair, held up by red beads.

“Data, right?” the second said. She had red hair. “I’m Beverly, this is Deanna.”

“It is rude to call one by their first name.” Data said.

“I heard you call Geordi by his.” Deanna teased lightly.

“He says that it is impolite to call him Mr. LaForge when we have shared a bed.”

“Aren’t there enough beds?” Beverly asked.

“Yes.” Data admitted.

“He was scared.” Deanna said. “He didn’t know anything and needed comfort.”

“I do not have feelings.” Data corrected. Deanna gave Beverly a look that clearly communicated ‘don’t tell him’.

“Alright.” Deanna said with a small smile. “If you say so.”

“It is proven. I am an android. I was not gifted with emotions.”

“Well, Data, emotions or not, Geordi says you still have trauma.” Beverly interrupted. “We’ve got to work on that, if that makes you comfortable.”

“How can I have trauma? I do not have emotions.”

“I don’t give a shit, Data.” Beverly said, guiding him to a chair. “We don’t have to talk about it right away, but you’re seriously traumatized and conditioned.”

After the session, which was mainly Data denying all feelings and Beverly trying to help him with that major block, he left the office to come face to face with Tasha.

“Hey, Data. Have a good time.” Data opened his mouth to answer, but she spoke before he could. “Android, right. Hope you didn’t feel too uncomfortable.” and with that she disappeared into the office, leaving Data to wander the tunnels, lost.

Finally Data turned a corner and ran into Q, who was sitting in a high up crevice in the rock.

“How did you find this place?” Q sneered, but there was an element of fear behind it, maybe due to the fact that he was trying to be alone, or that Data was fresh out of the White Knights. 

“I am not sure.” Data said. “I may be lost.”

“May be?” Q said, appearing in front of Data. “I think you  _ are _ .”

“What species are you?”

“I am a Q! We’re basically gods. I was kidnapped by the White Knights as a very small Q and my powers were taken away and used to make weapons. I managed to escape them when I ran as an adult, grabbing child Tasha with me.”

“Is that why Geordi says that you are like a father to Miss Yar?”

Q shrugged. “I’m not a male, but I suppose so. She calls me Ren, the same as she calls Jean-Luc Dad.”

“I have a question, may I ask it?”

“Shoot.” Q said, popping back up to the crevice. “You’ve asked plenty already. Not that that’s bad.”

“The Doctor always told me that it was wrong for a man to love a man, a woman to love a woman, or for anyone to be any gender other than what their sex was. Why do none of you conform to that?”

“They told me the same thing.” Q said. “It’s not true. It’s called being queer, and we’re all it. Probably you too, if you weren’t programmed with a gender.”

“But that is wrong.” Data repeated.

“So you aren’t going to unlearn that anytime soon.” Q sighed. “Let’s go back to the group.” he grabbed Data’s arm, harshly compared to Geordi, but softly compared to the White Knights.

They appeared in the middle of the central area, where Will, Guinan, Tasha, and another man, who appeared to be another species, were talking.

“What’s up, fuckers.” Q said, sitting right on Guinan’s lap. She growled at him. “Can you  _ please _ explain queerness to Data, I have done my part by not having a panic attack by him.” Q disappeared.

“What happened?” Guinan asked.

“I simply inquired after the presence of relationships between the same sex here. I was frequently told they were wrong back with The White Knights.”

Will and the man Data did not know locked eyes, their faces making small movements as if they were trying to convince the other to speak. The man seemed about to comply when Will picked up his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm when Guinan spoke up.

“You shouldn’t bring that up around Q.”

“Why? It is simply a question.”

“Well, Data,” a voice came from behind, familiar, and comforting, if Data could be comforted, “Q’s been through a lot. Like you, he was abused by the White Knights. He was told that his identity was unnatural and terrible for as long as he can remember. He doesn’t want to hear it again now that he’s come to terms with it.”

Data turned to face Geordi. “Ah, so it would be like if I had feelings, and after being told that being an android was wrong, I came to terms with it, and someone who was close to those who told me such and even wore something related to them, told me I was wrong. Your Q has amazing strength.”

Geordi placed a hand on Data’s shoulders. “So you see why you shouldn’t bring up stuff like that around Q?”

“Yes. And, Miss Yar, do you also wish to not speak of such?”

“I would like it if you could have these discussions when I’m not around.” Tasha said.

“I am sorry.” Data said. He was not sorry, for he did not know how to be sorry. Sorry was part of an emotion, guilt, regret, sympathy, pity. He did not feel like that. But he knew what to say.

Tasha gave him a smile. “I know.” she said.

The day was coming to a close, and Geordi offered Data some pyjamas. “Geordi, I do appreciate the offer, however, I do not need to sleep.”

“No one trusts you to be awake.” Geordi said softly, carefully tugging Data into the bed. “You’re so fresh out of the White Knights.”

“I do not understand.”

“You will.” Geordi removed his VISOR and Data gently removed it from his hand and set it on the table.

“I may try.” Data said. “I hope to one day understand.”

Geordi smiled as he pulled Data down. “Time to sleep.” Data closed his eyes without complaint.

Data did not feel. He was made of metal and oil and gears and programming. Even touch was an inhuman sensation on his covering. So no, technically there was no feeling of disappointment when he woke up and Geordi was not there. But it was wrong. Data thought that he would like to wake up in Geordi’s arms. But he would not phrase those thoughts. That would be rude.

Instead, sitting at the corner of his bed, was a young boy, fifteen or so. He perked up when he saw that Data was awake. “Hi!”

“Hello.” Data said, sitting up.

“Is it true you were made by the White Knights?” the boy asked.

“My creator, Dr. Soong, was a White Knight, yes.”

“You were made by  _ the _ Dr. Soong?” the boy said, inching forward. “The famous one?”

“It does not appear to be a common last name.”

“What is it like being an android? My mom says that you say you don’t have emotions, but that you actually do.”

“I do not have emotions. I do not know which woman is your mother, but she is wrong.”

“Oh yeah, My mom’s Dr. Crusher.”

“The doctor.” Data nodded. “She does seem to be the type to assume I have emotions.”

“Is that an insult?” the boy tenses up, like he would fight Data for insulting Beverly.

“I do not mean it to be. Geordi also believes me to have emotions, and I enjoy his presence.” Not that Data could enjoy. The boy sighed like he had picked up on the emotional word. “Not that I can enjoy.”

“Okay.” the boy nodded. “I’m Wesley Crusher, by the way.” he held his hand out.

“Data.”

“Don’t you have a last name?”

“Last names are for humans and several other alien species. I am an android.”

“What about Soong?”

“I do not think I am deserving of a last name.”

Wesley’s face looked thoughtful. “That’s sad.” he finally said. “I don’t think Geordi would want to hear you saying that. He thinks you’re pretty cool.”

“I… I am not cool. While my temperature might be lower than a typical human, It is more neutral than cold.”

“No, it means he thinks you’re an interesting person.” Wesley laughed.

“Why would you not just say that?”

Wesley shrugged, like even he wasn’t sure. “I don’t know. Anyway, Mom wants to talk to you! She says that since you’re from the White Knights that Deanna has to give you therapy.” Data froze, and Wesley noticed it. “Don’t worry! Most of us have to get therapy!”

“I do not have feelings. Me taking therapy would be a waste of Deanna’s time.”

“Jean-Luc says everyone has to take therapy. He’s kinda the leader. I don’t know why, it’s not like he’s special. He’s just bald.”

“Ah. What are you?”

“We’re the only people left. Everyone else was either killed by Lore, moved to another planet, or recruited into the White Knights.”

“Oh. Why are the White Knights bad? I know they are, but I do not understand.”

“They’re trying to take over the galaxy.” Wesley responded. “They want to make it so humans are the dominant species.”

“But humans are not. All species are equal.”

“Yeah.” Wesley frowned sadly, before perking up again. “Do you count as a species?”

“I do not know. I am not like other species, I am not made of flesh.”

“But you’re sentient! And you have thoughts that are independent! And you do have emotions, even though you think you don’t!”

“I do not have emotions.”

“Ok, sure, whatever. I think you count as a species.”

“Thank you. I am not sure I do.”

“That’s ok. Maybe someday you’ll figure out that you are a species, and that you do have emotions. It’s okay that right now you don’t think that. Mom says that everyone who was corrupted by the White Knights believes fucked up shit about themselves. It took Q forever to realize that it was okay for him to be queer. It took Tasha a long time to get over her trauma. I can’t tell you her story, though. She’d get upset, and she’s scary.”

“She does appear to be intimidating.”

“It’s because of the trauma. We’d all be a lot different without all this trauma, but a normal brain is rare here.” Wesley flopped down onto the bed. “I was born here, but I saw my dad get killed by the White Knights. Their ‘humane’ way of killing people.” he shuddered.

Data knew what Wesley was talking about. The gas helmets were forced onto dark rebel’s heads, smothering them, killing them shortly, but the people writhed in pain. If Data could be horrified, he would be. He had seen the screams. When he thought back to it he flinched, he shook.

Was that what Deanna and Beverly would call emotions? No. He did not have emotions. That was what they said. They told him over and over.

But they were liars.

But he did not have emotions.

He could not have emotions. He never had an emotion chip planted in him.

He did not have emotions.

“Data? You okay? You zoned out.” Wesley interrupted Data’s thoughts.

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. Now you need to go to therapy.” The boy jumped off the bed and onto his feet, offering a hand to Data to help pull the android up. Data refused the hand as he stood up.

“Do you wish to accompany me?” he asked Wesley.

“Yes!” they set off down the winding halls, Wesley talking animatedly about his special interests, engineering and warp core technology.

When Data entered Deanna and Beverly’s office he waved to Wesley, and a soft smile graced his face.

As the days that Data spent with the rebels numbered, Data found himself feeling more and more content, or what content would feel like if he could feel. He no longer panicked when he could not see the stripe of white around his wrist, unless it had been a very bad day. He slept in Geordi’s arms each night, and as the days passed in a comfortable monotony he realized something: he was home.

And the days were monotonous, just not in the strict way that it had been with The White Knights. Day after day they woke up, did chores, had therapy, and spent their time entertaining themselves with old game boards and art supplies. At the end of the day they gathered around a fire, all eating what had been cooked.

Data was becoming slowly less the android he had been before. Before he had not known anything but following rules. Now he was learning how to be more than what he was allowed to do.

“Geordi, I would like to learn to paint.” he said. The engineer looked up at him. Data froze, expecting some sort of scolding for wanting to have a hobby.

“Okay.” Geordi said. “I think we have some paint and canvases.”

“I am allowed to?”

“Of course.” Geordi smiled, a warm smile that always made Data strangely warm. “What type of painting would you like to learn?”

“I think traditional and realistic is a good style to learn.”

“Okay!” Geordi was always so cheerful, and it made the corners of Data’s mouth twitch upwards.

“I have never painted before, Geordi.” he admitted. “Do you know someone who could help teach me?” it was absolutely not because he had seen Geordi painting in a realistic style once. It was a valid inquiry for a beginner.

“Of course, Data. I used to paint. I don’t know how good I am now, but I’ll help you.”

The next day they pulled out the canvases and paint, each taking a canvas. Carefully Geordi showed Data some techniques. “Remember, Data, you can’t copy me.” he reminded the android gently. “Painting is an expression of yourself. Not what other people tell you to make.” he sat back. “Do you want to try alone?”

Data carefully nodded. Geordi smiled at him as he started, tinkering with some pieces that he had in his pockets as Data worked. He did not look at what Data was doing, too busy watching Data himself.

After about half an hour Data finished, stating “I am finished.” Geordi came up behind him, looking down at the canvas.

“Data…” he said.

“It is you.” Data admitted. “Is that okay?”

“Absolutely.” Geordi said, pressing a kiss to Data’s cheek. “It’s time for me to go help Jean-Luc, but I’ll be back. I love it.” Geordi skipped off, leaving a gobstruck Data behind.

Not that Data could be gobstruck. He had no emotions.

He had no emotions.

He did not have emotions.

He- He- He- He- he did n-t have emotion-

He- He loved -notlovedcannotlove- Geordi.

He loved Geordi.

That was impossible.

But it could not be.

That was improbable.

He had no emotions.

He had one emotion.

He looked down at the painting and smiled.

He had emotions.

He -didnothavecannothave- emotions.

He  _ did _ have emotions.

He  _ did _ love Geordi.

He cannot have emotions.

There is no emotion chip.

“You have no emotions, Dah-ta.” the scientist had said.

“You have no emotions.” Dr. Soong had said.

“I have no emotions.” Data said.

“Alright.” Deanna had said with a small smile. “If you say so.”

“And you do have emotions, even though you think you don’t!” Wesley had said.

“I- I- I- I have- I have- I have em- emotion- I have- I have emotions.” Data said staring at the painting.

“I love Geordi.” he said. “Love is an emotion. I have emotions.” a smile twitched onto his face. “I have emotions.” he repeated. “Geordi! I have to tell Geordi!” He stood up and left the room to find Geordi.

He found the engineer in a hallway. “Geordi.” he said.

“Data?”

“Geordi. I have emotions. I have emotions.”

“Data!” Geordi hugged him tight.

“Geordi. I love you.”

“Oh. I love you too.”

“Geordi, may I kiss you?”

“Yes.” they moved together fluidly, mouths fitting together like puzzle pieces. Data rested his hands on Geordi’s shoulders. Geordi fit one hand into the groove of Data’s waist, and gripped his forearm with the other. They pulled apart when Geordi needed breath.

“Data.” Geordi said, gesturing towards Data’s wrist. The strip of white fabric tied around it was dirtied, covered in grime, and now covered in splatters of paint, the yellows, golds, and browns of Geordi.

“I- I do not care.” Data said going in for another kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> I take constructive criticism only if it's about the way I portray mental illness. I don't have trauma. If you do please tell me how to write it more accurately. I feel like the ending is very inaccurate, I just wanted to finish this and get to a Drarry fic I want to write. No comments on anything but that, or I don't take your advice. I also won't edit this, I'll just keep it for more fics with trauma, because I am not immune to dark fic.


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